Open To Change

As I did say in my last post, not much has been offered in the way of messages from my son; Aaron lately.  However, a lot has been happening all around whether I notice or not.  My own life has been very busy as of late; which I admit that I don't really like because then I feel that I sometimes loose that connection to him.  But, just like everywhere else, life keeps going.

So, as I was mowing the lawn last week, I heard a thought; clear as a bell in my head that said, "You're living only in the dead".  Hmmm.  I really thought it was just my own conversation with myself in my head and that was all.  My next thoughts went straight to; " I need to be more present with my boys, I haven't been there 100% as I should be".  This realization hit me as if a light went off.  I didn't even realize it or admit it before, but I have been pretty self absorbed in my world of hurt even though I didn't think that it effected anyone else.  I continued tho think about this as I finished the lawn, sometimes psyching myself up to charge ahead and start to live life again to the fullest, then my thoughts would drift back to thinking, 'What's the point?"

The next morning, I received a call from my dear friend Melanie, and she had some harsh scolding from my son.  Even though Aaron hasn't been around lately with many messages, I guess that I knew that there was somewhere in that fact too, a lesson for me.  I have had this constant pecking at me (that's how I describe it, because it won't go away, it just keeps coming back even though it is slightly uncomfortable and you really don't want to deal with it).  Somehow, I knew without discussing it with anyone that Aaron has held back from his many and constant messages to force me to move ahead with life.  I knew this in my gut, but I really didn't want to acknowledge it, not to anyone.

So, when Aaron finally did show up with his messages for me that morning, it really wasn't anything that I hadn't already heard him telling me- I just didn't realize that it was him all along.   As Melanie started to relay his message for me that morning, she was hesitant because she did not want to offend me.  "Aaron says that you have your heels dug in and your fists are clenched; you are not accepting that this is your life now.  It can't go back to how it was."   Ha, that's Aaron.  No sugar coating things with that boy.  But, I knew that what she was saying was true, I just didn't think that I was ready or willing to say it out loud.  Aaron, obviously had been patient long enough and was determined to push me forward.  Not that I am a willing participant, but really, who can fight with that?

So, I made a vow to myself to really try to be open to this new acceptance, even though I didn't say that I agree with it, but that I will make an honest effort.

The next morning I got myself up and out the door; off to Melanie's office to get back to work.  As I entered onto the highway the first thing that I noticed was a truck going by me in the opposite direction- "Aaron's" it said on the side in big blue letters.  Immediately after the truck passed, a blue heron flew right across the road in front of my car. (The blue heron is the bird that Aaron sends as a sign from him)

I know that he likes to act all big and tough with me sometimes, to help me face the hard stuff.  But at the end of the day, he always backs it up with great big "Aaron" hug.

Open yourself up to receive messages; advice from a medium

Here is a great example of how our loved ones are always trying to send messages to us, but, we might miss them.  My friend Melanie May, who is a medium told me this story that happened to her today.  She is an extremely gifted medium and one of the things that she tells her clients repeatedly is, "Be open to receiving their messages in different ways; not just in the way that you expect them to come."

Just like all of us, Melanie is always longing to hear messages from her beloved father-in-law; Pop.  Even though she is a true medium, she cannot always get communications from her people when ever she wants them, she has to ask and wait sometimes, like you and me.  A couple of days ago, Melanie asked Pop to send her a Blue Jay. Pop usually sends a Cardinal as his sign, but sometimes he will send a Blue Jay and this is what she asked for.  A couple of days went by and no sign of a Blue Jay.  Melanie had received a card in the mail and as she was cleaning up she picked up the card to throw it in the trash.  All of a sudden, she said that she was told very strongly to "stop, look at the card before you throw it out."  There on the front of the card was a tree with a Blue Jay in it.

There, on the card, was just what she had asked for, only she was looking in the wrong places.  We often ask for signs, guidance, or help from our loved ones just to assure us that they are still there.  I think that almost all of the time, they do grant our requests and try repeatedly to let us know that they are there.

It sure has been quiet around here :(

Well, I haven't had much to write on the blog about over the past several weeks and that makes me very sad.  This being an extremely busy time of year for me; I don't seem to receive many messages from Aaron.  I know that it is because of me; the fact that I am running constantly, too busy to sit quietly and take it all in;  and not because he is not sending any messages. But, when he is quiet I start to get anxious and worried that he will stop communicating. Even though my logical brain knows better than that and I do feel him all of the time, my heart and my "mom" me, become sadder as each day goes by.  My friend; Melanie has her own stuff going on right now and she hasn't heard anything from his either, which only compounds my feelings.  We both keep saying "Where are you Aaron, we need some of your wonderful spirit". But nothing!  He must be busy or maybe this is another lesson that I am supposed to learn.  This, I think is part of the meaning of faith.  You can't always touch it, feel it, see it, but you keep believing because you know that it is there. It is not always easy to have faith, to say the least, and for me it seems to be a lesson that will be ongoing.

And then yesterday afternoon.....
I was meeting Melanie for a quick lunch while I was running around getting supplies for my next event.  We were both going to be on the same side of town so we decided to meet for a quick bite and to catch up.  On the way, my youngest son, Jeffrey called me and since he had a break from classes for a while he decided that he would join us too.  (He also needed to hit me up for some college cash- I wonder if that had anything to do with the impromptu visit ? hmmm.)  But, neither one of us cared what Jeffrey's real motives were, we were glad to have him with us and for the time to sit and catch up with him.

 Jeffrey was getting ready to head back to school after some good food and some good talk and all of a sudden Melanie asked him who's jacket did he have on.  He was wearing a lacrosse jacket that had the number 42 on it.  Jeffrey said that it was either Kyle's or Thomas' from school.  Melanie said that Aaron was telling her that it was his  and as she looked at the number 42  on the jacket, he was showing her by making the numbers glow.  Melanie said that Aaron said that it was his number.  Melanie looked at Jeffrey and I with a confused look on her face.  "Why is he telling me that it's his?"  Melanie had no way of knowing because she did not know us back then, but all four of the boys always wore the number 42.

That's all I needed.  Just a quick hello from him to let us know that he is with us.  It's not the message that is always so important, but who is sending it.  Keep the faith.